


Sober

by Daretodream66



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24780328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daretodream66/pseuds/Daretodream66
Summary: Steve thinks that Bucky and Natasha get married.  He doesn't know how to deal with that, but gets some help from some friends.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 124





	Sober

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a story that I read not that long ago. I can't remember the title of that story or who wrote it, so whoever you are this is dedicated to you. Please if you read this and recognize the premise, let me know so I can give you credit for this inspiration.

Steve stands on the patio of Tony’s new Malibu home, the one he built after the other was destroyed. This place is warm and cozy in a way Tony says the other wasn’t. This one, Pepper had a hand in designing. The glass of scotch in Steve’s hand is more of a comfort and less of a numbing agent. The sun is setting and the colors are gorgeous, but Steve can’t really see them. He’s been here for two days and tomorrow he flies back to New York and will have to deal with running the way he did. By then, he has to figure out how he’s going to face Bucky and by extension, Natasha.

The front door opens and Tony comes in carrying several bags of food. “I didn’t know what you wanted, so I got…well…everything that’s close by.” Tony sits the bags on the coffee table. “You’re going to eat tonight because I can’t take you back looking like your starving.”

Steve heads back into the house. “I know you’re right, but I can’t say that I’m really hungry.”

Tony starts unloading the bags and Steve has to admit that everything smells really good. Handing over utensils, Tony sits back with his own food and watching Steve. He doesn’t make a secret that he’s watching the super soldier that’s become his friend. Steve picks up the closest container and starts eating. “You gonna tell me what this is all about?” Steve looks over and Tony can see that he’s going to blow it off. “Look, I don’t know what happened because no one else is answering their phones, but maybe if you tell me, when we get back you’ll have someone in your corner.”

Steve takes another bite, but this one he has to force himself to chew and swallow. He feels like his throat is closing up. “Bucky and Natasha got married in Vegas.”

Tony, quite literally, spits his food across the coffee table. “WHAT THE FUCK!?”

Steve gives a weak nod. “Yeah, I went in to wake him and she was in the bed with him, rings on their fingers and a marriage license on the dresser.” Putting the food back on the table, Steve stands, hands on his hips, and tries to put on a brave face. “I left before they woke up and called you.”

Tony’s slumped into the sofa, mouth hanging open in disbelief. He sputters through a few nonsense words before finally settling on, “This is some fucked up shit! I mean…he knows how you feel about him, right?”

“Uh…no, he doesn’t. I’ve never actually said it out loud and especially not to him.” Tony looks incredulous. “Listen Tony, this was always my cross to bear, it was never something I was going to say to him. Before…well before, there were just so many women and now, he’s been through too much to put this on him.”

Tony stands, looking furious. “Okay, but I’m the most oblivious person when it comes to other people’s issues, but even I can see how you feel about him. How does he not know?”

“You’re not oblivious Tony, you just observe in a different way. You were looking for something to help you understand my need to help him. You saw it because you were looking. Bucky doesn’t see it because he isn’t looking for it. I’ve always been this way with him, so it’s our normal. You can’t see what you aren’t looking for and believe me, he isn’t looking.” Tony motions to the sofa, they sit again, and start eating.

“Well, you’ve got one person in your corner and anytime you need a place to hide out, consider this place yours.” Steve nods because his throat locks up again with unspoken emotions. “And when we get back tomorrow, my lab, my floor, it’s all open to you whenever you need it.”

They return to New York the following afternoon. Steve knows he has a few more days before Bucky, Natasha, Sam, and Clint return from Vegas, so he spends that time packing his things. Tony sends people down to help him get his things moved to a new floor. There wasn’t even a question in Tony’s mind about getting Steve off the floor he shares with Barnes. 

Tony goes so far as to route all of Steve’s texts and phone calls through JARVIS so that he doesn’t have to answer any unwanted questions. Tony sent a text to Sam the day all this happened telling him to relay the message that Cap was needed on a mission. That seems to pacify everyone and they don’t ask again. 

Pepper has new furniture delivered and instead of the sleek modern stuff that was on the other floor, this is comfortable and homey. The day before the group in Vegas returns, Steve has dinner with Tony, Pepper, and Bruce. They talk about nothing important until after dinner. “Steve, whatever you need, we’re here for you.”

He can’t believe that all three of these people are willing to stand by him through what’s going to be a living nightmare every day, but he’s also surprised that they all figured this out on their own. All this time, Steve assumed he was covering really well, that he wasn’t letting it show too much and yet, here he is. “I appreciate that, Pepper. But I’m going to be fine.” They don’t look like they believe him.

“You know, it’s okay if you’re not fine. It’s okay if you need to let go sometimes.” Bruce doesn’t look up from his tea, but Steve knows how hard things are for the man and is thankful that he has these friends.

“Look, all I want is for Bucky to be happy and it sorta makes sense that it would be with Natasha. They have shared history with the Red Room, they’re both trying to find balance with what they did and who they are now. I guess she has more shared life experience with him than I do.” Steve thinks back to their childhood, to the war, and truth be told, he still wants this new Bucky, but that isn’t what his friend needs. He never needed Steve hovering over him and Natasha doesn’t do that. She doesn’t coddle Bucky, she kicks his ass. Steve tells them this and makes his way back to his new floor.

Crawling in bed that night, he gives himself a pep talk of how he’s going to be happy for his friends. He isn’t going to let this control him. He isn’t going to show them anything, but kindness. He’s going to celebrate that they found each other. Rolling over, he looks out at the night sky and lets himself have just this one night. Releasing the emotions that he’ll only let himself feel tonight, Steve sobs into his pillow for a love that he was never meant to have.

The next morning, he contacts Pepper and tells her he wants to do something nice for them. They’ll be home in the early evening, so they plan a dinner with cake and champaign. She has a banner made to go over the table. Tony and Bruce watch their friend try to be okay. They watch him cook all day with music in the background. Finally, they join him because if Steve is going to put himself out there like this, they aren’t going to let him do it alone. By the time JARVIS informs them of the groups return, everything is set up on the common floor.

When the lift opens, admitting the Vegas group, they yell ‘surprise.’ The group from Vegas looks up, Bucky’s arm slung over Natasha’s shoulder, grinning. It’s like a punch to Steve’s gut and he sucks in a breath. Tony’s hand lands on his back, grounding him. “Are you sure you can do this?” He whispers it over the congratulations that’s going on.

“I have to. He deserves to be happy.” Steve starts over to hug his friend, but Tony pulls him back.

“You deserve to be happy too.” Steve shakes his head, like he doesn’t believe that and that’s a gut punch to Tony.

Going over, Steve pulls Bucky into a hug, smiling as big as he can. “Congrats buddy!” Steve turns with his arm still over Bucky’s shoulder and points at the banner above the table. “We weren’t sure which one to go with, so we put both!” The banner reads, ‘Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes (Romanov?)’ Pulling Natasha into a hug too, Steve kisses her temple. “I made dinner and there’s cake. Let’s celebrate.”

Sam and Clint are looking at everything confused and as Steve heads into the kitchen, he sees them whispering. Tony, Pepper, and Bruce keep the others busy while Steve takes a minute for himself. He’s putting on a good show, but Tony can see the tension in his shoulders and neck. This is killing his friend and it’s damn well not fair. Sam makes a beeline for the kitchen, but Pepper catches him before he can get there.

Bucky tries to pull away from Bruce, but Tony comes over. “You may want me to look at that arm since I’m sure the wedding night was more athletic than normal. Wouldn’t want anything to have shaken loose.” Tony cackles, but Bucky just looks confused. 

Bucky looks over at Natasha, who seems just as puzzled by what’s happening. Clint skirts around hands trying to pull him into conversation and makes it to the kitchen. “Need some help, Cap?”

Steve looks up smiling, but Clint can see it isn’t…right. “Oh yeah! Can you grab the salad from the fridge?” Steve turns back to the oven. “Oh and get whatever dressing everyone will want.”

“Cap, maybe we should talk about all this.” Steve looks around, forehead furrowed.

“Two of my best friends got married in Vegas. I’m just sorry I didn’t get to be there when it happened.” Steve carries the first lasagna to the table and comes back for the other one. “Come on, we have celebrating to do.”

Over dinner Pepper keeps the conversation moving in safe directions. Tony talks about some new tech he’s been working on. Bruce discusses a new pain med that he’s working on that will help Steve and Bucky without making them fuzzy. Steve talks about a tactical plan that he’s putting together. When the others try to interject, Tony quickly derails anything they were going to say with some new story about something in the lab. Dinner finishes and they start to have cake when Steve’s phone pings with a text.

‘Excuse yourself. Tell the group that it’s from Fury.’ Steve doesn’t think he can watch them feed each other cake, so god bless Tony Stark for knowing that and giving him an out.

“Hey, I have to take this. It’s Fury. Keep going, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Steve heads to the lift and asks JARVIS to take him to his floor. Stepping out, Steve looks around at his new apartment. Walking over to the windows, he looks down at the lights of the city. “This is good. This is all good.” Turning he slides down the windows to sit on the floor. He’ll splash his face with cold water before going back up, but for now he lets himself cry again.

‘Captain Rogers, are you in distress?’ Through sobs Steve shakes his head, knowing JARVIS will see. 

He doesn’t hear the lift open, he doesn’t see Tony come in. He only knows he there when the man sits down next to him, putting an arm around his shoulder. “Have you always loved him like this?”

Steve nods, wiping his face. “Yeah.” Steve looks over and the expression nearly topples Tony over. Everything that Steve feels is written in his eyes. He’s dying inside and Tony wants to fix it, but doesn’t know how. “Why are you here? You should be down there.”

“They said they were tired and went to their floors.” He’s about to keep talking, but the lift opens.

Bucky comes storming out, already yelling. “What the fuck is the meaning of this, Steve? Why are you on a diff…” His words stop abruptly when he sees Steve.

In all the years he’s known his friend, he’s never seen Steve look this broken. “What are ya doin here, Buck? You gotta wife to think about.”

Bucky’s legs nearly give out under him. He hasn’t been weak ever, but that takes the wind out of him. “All of that in the common room was serious. You think I married Nat.”

Steve stands, looking over at Tony. They have a silent conversation and Tony heads for the lift. “If you need me, you find me, Steve.” Steve nods.

“I saw the marriage license, Buck. I saw you in bed together and the rings. It wasn’t hard to figure out.” Steve turns his back to his friend, looking back out at the city.

“You really think I would do that to you?” Bucky sounds lost and Steve gives a mirthless laugh.

“You didn’t do anything to me. You went out and found your happiness. Isn’t that what we’re all supposed to do?” Suddenly, he’s being spun around to face Bucky.

“You moved off of our floor, Steve. Why did you do that?” Bucky searching Steve’s face and not finding what he wants.

“You can’t have a roommate and a wife, Buck.” Steve tries to chuckle, he really does, but it just won’t come out.

“Don’t give me that! What’s this really about?” Steve doesn’t answer. “Come on, Steve! What the hell is going on? You’re acting strange and were you even on a mission? You’ve never been afraid to tell me anything.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Bucky growls at that.

“Then explain it to me!” It all snaps in that second and Steve opens his mouth and everything he shouldn’t be saying starts pouring out.

“I can’t live in the same apartment with you and a wife because it would kill me even more than all this already has! How am I supposed to do that, Bucky? You go off and get married and I’m supposed to be okay with that when I feel the way I do! Goddamn it, Buck! Loving you is hard enough, but now I gotta watch you be happy with someone else! NO! I don’t deserve that!” Steve storms into the kitchen getting a beer from the fridge. Taking a long drag, he thinks that Bucky will leave. Steve’s just dropped a bombshell on him.

“Y-you l-love m-me?” Steve doesn’t turn away from the fridge, but he does let the tension bleed out of his shoulders. 

This is what defeat feels like and Steve doesn’t like it. “Yeah, I didn’t really know what to call it until the bridge in DC when your mask came off. It was always there, but I didn’t give it a name until then. I bet you’re glad I moved my stuff now, aren’t you?”

He’s being spun around again and Bucky is searching his face. “You love me.”

It’s a statement this time, like Bucky’s trying to reconcile this new information with everything Steve’s ever done for him. “We’ve established that.” Steve can’t help the smile because this may be one of the last times he’s this close to his friend and he wants to take in everything he can.

“I don’t have a wife.” Steve looks at him disbelieving. “We did that to fuck with Clint. I didn’t know you’d been in that morning and seen it. I just thought you really got called on a mission and would miss the fun we were going to have at Clint’s expense.” He takes Steve’s face with his hands. “I don’t have a wife.”

“You…don’t…” Steve isn’t sure if his brain is playing tricks on him or not.

“Do you really believe I would do that to you? Do you really think I could do that with anyone that wasn’t you?” Bucky seems to be searching his face for any indication that Steve understands the error of his ways.

“What are you saying?” Bucky closes his eyes and huffs in frustration. “I’m sorry, but you gotta understand what you’re saying doesn’t match up with what I know.”

He pulls Steve to the kitchen table, sitting him down, and pulling a chair over to sit as close as possible. Taking the other man’s hands in his own, Bucky looks up into Steve’s face. “Nat and I wanted to screw with Clint in Vegas, you know, get his ass in gear and allowing Nat in.” Steve nods that he understands. “We told Sam because he can either lie or play dumb. You can’t do either of those things, so we figured your honest reaction would just sell the con.” Bucky looks away, anxious. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever agree to by the way. Clint was supposed to wake us up that morning, so she slept on the sofa until about 7 and then crawled in bed. We didn’t mean to fall back asleep, but I guess we did. You must have come in sometimes before Clint because by the time he came in, you were already gone and we had messages that you’d been called away.” Bucky reaches up, caressing Steve’s cheek. “Where did you really go ‘cause I know you didn’t go on a mission?”

“Tony’s house in Malibu.” Steve looks down, not meeting Bucky’s eyes. “I told him there was a problem and he flew me out there and then met me.”

“Jesus, so that’s why all of them were in on the ‘wedding reception?’” Steve nods. “That means you’ve been like this since you came into my hotel room.” Steve takes a shaky breath and nods again. “I’m so sorry. Fuck Steve, you didn’t deserve that.”

“Yeah, but I don’t deserve you either.” Steve gets up, walking back into the living room. “You deserve the world and that ain’t me.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa there, buddy. I think you got that backwards.” He catches up with Steve, pulling the man against him, circling his arms around Steve’s waist.

Before Steve can stop himself, he’s leaning back into Bucky’s chest. Without Bucky’s eyes on him, Steve lets out everything he’s been holding in. “When we were young, I could pretend it was just loving my best friend, so I didn’t look at it. Then after the bridge, I couldn’t do that anymore. You being back, right here in my life, has been a dream and I would take just that and nothing else if that’s what you were offering. I’d never ask you for more than that, but you gotta know, Buck, I gotta say it. Just once.”

Bucky turns him. “Then say it _to_ me.”

“I love you.” Bucky’s eyes get misty and Steve continues quickly. “I love every scar, every dark corner that you don’t want me to see. I love your arm and the kindness that you show with it. I love your eyes even on those dark days when they seem faraway. I love everything that you were forced to do because you came through it and found yourself again. I love your hair and how different it is from before because you’re different. I love that you aren’t the same Bucky as before and I’m not the same Steve, so we can be new together. I love when you can’t get out of bed and only want soft things around you because it’s a reminder that you are human and Hydra didn’t take that away from you. I love knowing you’re in a fight with me because you still read me like a book. I love when you get up in the morning and your hair looks like a bird’s nest. I love the pink and purple fuzzy socks that you wear when your feet get cold. I love everything that makes you, you. I just love you so much and that’s never going to change.” 

Bucky takes a shaky breath, sniffling. “I wasn’t expecting that.” Steve tilts his head, trying to catch his friend’s eyes. Finally, Bucky looks up something like awe in his eyes. “I love you too. I love that every time I wake up and I can’t get out of bed, you come in to sit with me. I love that you don’t expect me to talk and you don’t talk either, you just know to be there. I love that you love me enough that even when you thought I married someone else, you threw me a party to show support. I love that when I can’t sleep, you fix me coco and sit in the dark with me. I love that you look at this world and still see what can be done to make it better. I love that you care so much about all of us. I love when you chew the inside of your cheek when you’re nervous or anxious. I love that I can turn around anytime and reach out for you because you’re always there. I love you, Steve and I’m pretty sure it’s a forever kind of thing.”

The embrace is the same as it’s always been, all encompassing and safe. “Can we go to bed? I haven’t really slept in awhile.”

“Let’s go.” Bucky pulls Steve along behind him, heading straight into Steve’s room. Stripping out of his clothes, he helps Steve out of his too. They climb in under the blankets and Bucky holds him as close as possible. “Tomorrow we’re going to go out and buy some rings.” Steve looks up from his place on Bucky’s chest. “I’m doing this marriage thing once and only once.” Their first kiss is a gentle reminder that not all things have to be heated. Some things are meant to be soft like a promise.


End file.
